What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E-?
- Because the angel said, Noel.
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
- Sandy Claws.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
- So he can hoe-hoe-hoe!
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
- Because he had low elf esteem.
What do elves learn in school?
- The elfabet.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
- Ribbon Hood.
What do you call a bunch of chess grandmasters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
- Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
Do you know what would have happened if it had been three wise women instead of three wise men?
- They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts.
A woman said, 'I find it difficult to believe in all that stuff about Christmas. It's not that I don't believe in Peace and Goodwill to all men, or in the angels singing, or even in the virgin birth, but where on earth did they find 3 wise men?'