Supermarket

Firstly, this is intended as fun reading only. I will not be held responsible for any injuries/embarrasment incurred by use of this text. Batteries not included. Parental supervision should be avoided. Do not do this at the supermarket which I work at.

All of these methods are designed to humiliate/embarrase/worry or frustrate the staff and/or the other customers.

Here goes:

• Park your car sideways.
• If you have a bike, lock it to the other bikes.
• Or, just lock the other bikes together to avoid a death wish.
• Stand in the way of the guy pushing trolleys while talking to a mate.
• Enter, saying Bonjour/Guten tag/Konnichi wa/Anata no chinchin wa takai dewa arimasen or any similar 'greeting' to everyone.
• If no-one is around, grab a 2 litre of coke/3 litre of juice/whatever... take off the lid, cover the opening with a small piece of cardboard, turn upside down, rest on middle of floor, remove cardboard.
• Say "Schwing" to every female you pass.
• Say "Schwing" to every male you pass. (optional) (can be used in conjunction with the previous sugestion for increased strange looks)
• Grab a hot chicken and accidentally leave it in the freezer
• Grab a 5 litre of deluxe-premium-ultra-rip-off and accidentally leave it in the hot chicken warmer.
• Pull faces at little kids, to make them scream/cry.
• In some supermarkets, they have a little electronic checking weighing machine. Weigh an orange - but push the squash button instead of orange. Press print. Stand on the orange. attach sticker to orange and put back in orange bin.
• Bring a twink pen and white-out 2 or so lines from each barcode of whatever you are buying. Or add a few lines with a black pen.
• Booby trap the pasta sauce/eggs/wine/mayonaisse
• Poke holes in the shrink-wrap on the marinated meats
• Bring a sharp knife and some glue. Go to the canned fruits & stuff section, find a pineapple slices tin and a peeled lambs tounge's tin. Cut vertically down the label with knife, glue labels back on wrong tins.
• Dont buy Sliced Pineapple :-)
• If someone who works there goes past with a full trolley, stop them and ask if you can have 'one of those' - something from the bottom, of course.
• 19Ask a young staff member (more likely to be new) where the shoelaces/epson salts/elastic/firelighters/anything strange is.
• Go up to an attractive checkout operator and ask loudly: 'Excuse me, do you have any condoms?'
• If the shop has coupons, get the wrong sizes of EVERTHING. ie 750 gram cat food instead of 400 gram.
• Whistle either the smurfs theme song, or 'The song which doesn't end' as you shop.
• If the checkout operator asks you if you want your meat wrapped, giggle insanely.
• Put a cucumber, a tub of vaseline, a packet of band-aids, a straight banana, a box of tissues, a roll of luncheon sausage, a can of whipped cream, some chocolate fish, and some rubber gloves on the conveyor together and ask if they can be put in a seperate bag.
• Just before they finish the order, say - 'I forgot something!' and run to the other side of the shop. stand around for about 2 minutes, come back and grab a chocolate bar from beside the checkout and say 'Theeeere they are...'
• If paying by EFT-POS or cheque, ask if you can have $188.85 change. (or 88.85, $38.85, $18.85) This requires a 5c, a 10c, a 20c, a 50c, a $1, a $2, $5, etc..
• If paying by EFT-POS, slide your card all the wrong ways before getting it right. Get your pin wrong at least twice.
• If they have an EFT-POS machine that requires them to slide the card, give them your library card/Gym Membership card to swipe instead.
• If paying by EFT-POS, speak in tongues while it's processing, then scream "WOOHOO!" when its accepted.
• Stick your trolley in the trolley park backwards.
• Insert an egg up a hot chickens rear passage. Replace in oven.
• Offer apples to children.
• Print out stickers saying 'Loose Carrots'. Place on peoples butts carefully.
• Shake cream until it turns to butter and replace.
• Ask for them to put it on your tab.
• If you happen to work at a supermarket, get a co-worker to ring say, the storeroom phone from produce. Let it ring a few times, pick it up, hangup, and call some weiner you dont like (say the boss) and tell them the phone is for them. as they are walking towards you to get the phone, dial the page number. Give them the phone and enjoy.