Rules to live by

• Indecision is the key to flexibility.
• You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
• There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
• Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
• The facts although interesting are irrelevant.
• The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
• Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
• Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
• Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
• Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
• Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
• I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
• Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
• If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you already have someone in mind to blame.
• One-seventh of your life is spent on Mondays.
• By the time you make both ends meet, both ends have moved.
• Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
• The more you run over a dead cat the flatter it gets.
• There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
• When things are as bad as they can get, don't bet on it.
• Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
• The trouble with life is that you are halfway through it before you realize it is a "do-it-yourself" thing.