In my day

• In my day, we didn't have mouses to move the cursor around. We only had the arrows, and if the up arrow was broken and you needed to get to the top of the screen, well, you just hit the left arrow a thousand times.
• In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In the winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.
• In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.
• In my day, we didn't have fancy high numbers. We had "nothing," "one," "twain" and "multitudes."
• In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
• Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy moon.
• In my day, we didn't have days. There was only "time for work," "time for prayer" and "time for sleep." The sheriff would go around and tell everyone when to change.
• In my day, people could only dream of hitchhiking a ride on a comet.
• In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes drenched in melted fat from those animals. And we're all as strong as AAGGKK-GAAK Urrgh. Thud.
• When I was your age, we didn't have fake doggie-do. We only had real doggie-do, and no one thought it was a bit funny.
• In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
• Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise.
• In the old days, nobody asked you to sign petitions. The sheriff just came to your house and told you you were part of a posse.
• In my day, we didn't have dogs or cats. All I had was Silver Beauty, my beloved paper clip.
• Back in my day, "60 Minutes" wasn't just a bunch of gray-haired liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray-haired liberal 60-year-old guys.