How you can tell when it's going to be a bad day

• You wake up - face down on the pavement
• You put your bra on backwards and it fits better
• You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold
• You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting for you in your office
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles
• Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business
• You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party but there aren't any
• You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city
• Your twin sister forgets your birthday
• You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize you don't have a waterbed
• Your carhorn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of hells angels on the freeway
• Your wife wakes up feeling amourous and YOU have a headache
• Your boss tells you to not bother taking off your coat
• The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard
• You wake up and your braces are locked together
• You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your panty hose
• You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife
• Your income tax check bounces
• You put both contact lenses in the same eye
• Your pet rock snaps at you
• Your wife says "Good morning Bill", and your name is George.