Story Jokes - Part 4

A reporter once visited Billy Graham and noticed he had a special red phone on his desk the reporter asked him about it and Billy said "It's my hotline to heaven." The reporter asked if he could make a call "sure" said Billy, "but it will cost you $10,000 dollars." The reporter next interviewed the Pope in Rome and noticed the same special red phone on his desk. When he asked the Pope said that "Is my hotline to heaven, you may make a call but it will cost you $100,000 dollars." Latter the reporter interviewed Pres. Hinkley and noticed a special red phone on his desk. He asked what it was and Pres. Hinckley said "Thats the hotline to heavan." The reporter asked if he could make a call. Pres. Hinkley said "sure". "How much will it cost me?" the reporter asked. "Twenty-five cents", "Why so little?" "It's a local call."

There was once a Catholic Bishop who was very proud of his parish and he was walking down a street and he came acrosss a young boy holding some new born puppies. He asked the boy what was the religion of the puppies. the reply was Catholic Father. This made the Bishop very happy. The next day he again walked down this street and saw the boy, he again asked the religion of the Pups and got the same reply. A short time later the Bishop was entertaining his Cardinal and thought I would show him how devoted my parish is, so he took the cardinal down the street to where the boy was playing and asked what religion are your puppies young man. The reply came "They are are Mormon, Father." The Bishop was shocked and said "but the other day you said they were catholic." The boy smiled and said "the other day they were blind and could not see but now their eyes are opened."

The Pope is sitting in his office and his secretary enters his office and says: "Um, sir I have a phone call here for you. It appears to be some good news and some bad news." "Well whats the good news?", asked the Pope. "The good news is it's Jesus Christ on the line." "Thats great! Whats the bad news?" "He's calling from Salt Lake."

Johnny got lost in the forest. When it got dark he could not see and walked right off a cliff. As he was falling he caught a tree branch and looked down and about 100 feet below he saw rocks sticking up out of the water. Johnny looked up and asked, "Is there anybody up there that can help me?"

A voice came from the heavens and said, "Hello Johnny, do you believe?"

And Johnny said, "Yes I believe, I believe!"

Then the voice said, "Okay Johnny, then have faith and let go."

Johnny looked down again at the 100 foot drop into the rocks and water. He looked up again and said, "Is there anybody else up there?"

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

Jesus said, Whom do men say that I am?

And his disciples answered and said, Some say you are John the Baptist returned from the dead; others say Elias, or other of the old prophets.

And Jesus answered and said, But whom do you say that I am?

Peter answered and said, "Thou art the Logos, existing in the Father as His rationality and then, by an act of His will, being generated, in consideration of the various functions by which God is related to his creation, but only on the fact that Scripture speaks of a Father, and a Son, and a Holy Spirit, each member of the Trinity being coequal with every other member, and each acting inseparably with and interpenetrating every other member, but an economic subordination within God, a division which makes the substance no longer simple."

And Jesus answering, said, "What?"

Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person. Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he wound up with very bad breath. Therefore: he came to be known as a:

"Super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis."

"Christmas time with its cargo of love is the greatest of all anniversaries for those who worship the God of love. It brings peace of mind to millions who, for one day at least, think more of others than of selves; more of giving than of getting.

"This is the secret of the popularity of Christmas. It is the best day of the year, the most joyous because we seek the happiness of others rather than our own. It is the day when love takes command, and men, women, and children, by losing themselves, find joy and peace. For one day at least, Christendom tries Christianity." (Hugh B. Brown)

A theologian and an astronomer were talking together one day. The astronomer said that after reading widely in the field of religion, he had concluded that all religion could be summed up in a single phrase.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

After a brief pause, the theologian replied that after reading widely in the area of astronomy he had concluded that all of it could be summed up in a single phrase also.

"Oh, and what is that?" the astronaut inquired.

"Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder what you are!"

During his visit to the United States the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House to be with his family.

A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked tired, discouraged and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his meeting with the President was a failure.

Incredulous, one reporter asked, "But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed". Exasperated, the Pope answered, "Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments."