Story Jokes - Part 3

Adam was talking to God one day. He asked God, "Why did you make Eve so beautiful?" God replied, "so you would marry her and bring other children to the world." Then Adam asked, " So why did you give her soft silky skin?" Again God anwered, "so you would marry her." Then Adam asked," I understand now why you made her so beautiful, and soft, but why did you make her so stupid?" God chuckled a little bit and simply replied, "So she would marry you."

A Catholic Priest, A Baptist Preacher, and a Mormon Bishop went fishing in a boat together. After awhile, the Mormon Bishop ran out of bait. So he got up, stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the shore, and returned the same way with more bait. Soon after, the Catholic Priest also ran out of bait and did the same. Finally the Baptist Preacher ran out of bait and stepped out of the boat and sank down into the water until it reached his neck. The Catholic Priest laughed and said to the Mormon Bishop, "Should we tell him about the rocks beneath the water?" The Mormon Bishop, obviously confused, said, "What rocks?"

An ecclesiastical leader really loved golf. He was also very busy with all of his church responsibilities. It seemed that every time he set aside a little time to play golf, another problem would come up and he would have to go help. Finally, it looked like he had a whole afternoon off. Unfortunately, it was on the Sabbath, but the leader rationalized that since he had spent so much time on church things on other days of the week, it would be all right to use part of the Sabbath to do a non-Sabbath thing. So he sneaked off to the golf course. It was a beautiful day, but surprisingly almost no one was around to watch him break the Sabbath day. On the first hole, he got a hole in one. He was stunned. He had never gotten a hole-in-one before! All of his golfing buddies would never believe it! The second hole, he also got a hole-in-one. It was amazing! Two in a row! He couldn't wait to tell his wife! The third, fourth, and fifth holes were all holes in one. At the end of the course, the leader had only taken 18 strokes, a course record. He could get his name and the date engraved on a plaque in the clubhouse and get a free dinner for him and three friends. Moses was up in heaven watching all of this with God. "Why did you let him do so well? Shouldn't he be punished?" God replied, "He is. Who could he tell?"

A true story: It was a hot afternoon when the air conditioning went out in the Tabernacle during General Conference. President Hinckley stood up to address the sweating congregation and said, "It's warm. We're sorry. But it's not as warm as it's going to get if you don't repent!"

There was this Bishopric that went hunting together. After they got out in the woods and away from everyone they were sitting around in the evening and talking. The Bishop said, "you know I have one fault that I only do when I'm hunting, I like to have a cup of coffee when I'm up here hunting, I just can't help myself." The First Councilor said, "well, since you said that Bishop, I have to confess when I'm up here hunting I love to have a cold beer." The Second Councilor said, "I also need to confess I can't help it either when I'm up here I love to have a big cigar." Then they all looked at the Executive Secretary and waited for him to say something. After probing him for a while, he finally said, "OK, I give. I do have one really bad weakness that I can't control." "What is it?" they asked. "Well," he said, "I'm a terrible gossiper and I can't wait to get back and tell everyone what you guys said!"

This guy dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates. Peter gets out his book on this guy's life and says, "You know, you've lived a pretty average life, You haven't done anything so bad that I would feel really right about sending you down below, but you haven't really done anything that good either. I'll tell you what--if you can tell me just one thing you did during your life that was really good, I'll let you in."

The guy says, "okay, well I was driving down the highway when I saw this gang of bikers assaulting this girl. So I slammed on my brakes, grabbed my tire iron, jumped out of my car and ran straight at the leader of the pack. He was huge, with a mohawk haircut, hairy all over, and he had a huge link chain running from his nose to his ear. So I grabbed his chain, pulled as hard as I could, and whapped him on the head. Then I turned to his gang and screamed, 'who wants some of this!! Who wants some pain!!!'"

St. Peter is extremely impressed, and says, "wow, I had no idea. That is really something. When did this happen?"

And the guy says, "oh, about 2 minutes ago."

A Bishop was walking down the street to the chapel one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. The boy is very small, though, and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the Bishop moves closer to the boys position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the Bishop smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, young man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run like Heck!"

President Hinckley had just finished conducting a Devotional at BYU and was being driven by limousine back to Salt Lake City. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so the chauffeur climbs in the back of the limo and President Hinckley takes the wheel.

President Hinckley proceeds to hop on I-15 and starts accelerating to see what the limo could do. Well he gets to about 90 mph and, WHAM!, the flashing lights of the state Highway Patrol appear in his mirror.

President Hinckley pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. Well the trooper, seeing who it was, says "just a moment please, uh, sir, I need to call this in." The trooper radios in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief "I've got someone REALLY important pulled over and I need to know what to do." The chief replies, "It's not the Governor, is it?" The trooper replies, "No, even more important." "It isn't the President, is it??" "No, keep going...", replies the trooper. "Well WHO the HECK is it!", demands the chief. "I don't know for sure..." says the trooper, "But he's got President Hinckley as a chauffeur!"

A newly ordained bishop and his young wife were talking about being more considerate of each other. The good wife promised herself that she would not be so critical of his sleep-inducing sermons. And he promised to honor her privacy and never look in the shoebox in the attic. Finally after 50 years of marriage their children gave a great party to celebrate the anniversary and many people came and congratulated the happy couple. The good Bishop, long since released from that particular call and having served in many others, was obedient and never looked in the shoebox. The good wife was never openly critical of her husband's talks. On this particular day however, as he was looking for a few more chairs to seat guests on, he came upon the shoebox. He thought and pondered and finally could withstand the temptation no longer. Inside he found 3 eggs and $10,000.00, in bills of varied denominations. He quietly replaced the lid and replaced the box. He was extremely puzzled by what he had found. That evening, after the guests had left, he approached his wife and asked of the shoebox with it's eggs and money. "Oh" she said, "well you remember when we spoke of being more considerate with each other all those years ago?" The Bishop answered firmly and quietly "yes", feeling that he had let her down. She told him. "Well I promised that I would not be critical of your boring talks, but everytime you gave a talk that was a real snoozer I would put an egg in the shoebox." The Bishop responded."Well that's not so bad. 50 years of talks and only 3 eggs, but what about the $10,000.00?" His wife quietly responded "everytime I got a dozen eggs I sold them."

This farmer dies and goes to heaven. As St. Peter is giving him a tour, he notices a bunch of white sheets hanging all over the place with SHHH!! writen all over them. The farmer asks in a loud voice, "St. Peter, what's behind them sheets?" St. Peter turns around quickly and says, "Be quiet. Behind those sheets are the mormons, and they think they are the only ones up here."

John dies and goes to Heaven. He meets St. Peter at the gate and asks him, "How do I get into Heaven?" St Pete: Spell "Love". John: L - O - V - E St Pete: That's right, you may enter. John: Boy, that was easy, are you sure that's all there is to it? St Pete: Yup...by the way, I have to run an errand. Would you please watch the gate for me and if anyone comes just ask them to spell LOVE. If they spell it right, let them in. John: OK, I can do that.

Soon Ralph arrives and asks: How do I get in Heaven?

John: Spell LOVE.

Ralph: L - O - V - E.

John: That's right, come on in.

Soon Harry arrives and asks: How do I get in Heaven?

John: Spell LOVE

Harry: L - O - V - E.

John: That's right, come on in.

Soon a woman arrives and as she gets closer John realizes it's his wife.

John: What are you doing here?

Wife: On the way home from your funeral I was in a car accident and died. What do I have to do to get into Heaven?

John: Spell Czechoslovakia........