Family & Children Jokes

The teacher asked her students to make a list of the seven natural wonders of the world. The class set to work on the project for quite a while and as time wore on some the students finished the list, the teacher said the children could go outside for recess as each one finished. Eventually, only one little girl was still at her desk writing. Then she smiled wrote something, and jumped up joyfully announcing that she was done and skipped happily out to play with the others. The teacher picked up the paper and read the following:

• Seeing
• Hearing
• Tasting
• Touching
• Running
• Laughing
• Loving

Betty & Tim were killed in an auto accident on the eve of their wedding. When they reached the pearly gates, St Peter met them. They asked if they could still be married in Heaven. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay there and I will be right back."

Six months passed and finally Peter returned. "Yes, we can do this for you."

The couple replied, "Well as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we could be divorced if the marriage doesn't work out?"

To this St Peter answered, "It took me six months to find a priest up here...how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer!"

A kindergarten teacher gave her class the Show and Tell assignment of bringing something to represent their religion.

The first little boy went to the front of the room:

"My name is Benjamin. I am Jewish, and this is the star of David."

The second little boy also spoke from the front of the room:

"My name is Thomas. I am Catholic, and this is the Crucifix."

The third little boy:

"My name is Bobby. I am a Mormon, and this is a casserole."

You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of men, don't you?

They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought disposable diapers as gifts!

An LDS child needed to bring an old shirt from home for a school project about drug prevention. The mother was busy and handed her child an old T-shirt without examining it. Later, she was appalled to see her child wearing the T-shirt through the mall. On the front it said, "A Family is Forever." On the back: "Be Smart, Don't Start."

I was helping my two year old with his prayers one night trying to keep it simple but profound. I would say a line and he would repeat it, which worked fine until we got to a point where his own response seemed more appropriate: I said "Thank Thee for my many blessings," and he naturally responded with, "You're welcome."

Dear Mom and Dad,

We are having a great time here at Lake Typhoid. Bishop Webb is making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Bishop Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him.

Did you know that if you put gas on a fire the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did; also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Bishop Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Bishop Webb said that a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with ten people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Bishop Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up here are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Bishop Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because of the case, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Bishop Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car, so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed off out first aid merit badge. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Wade and I threw up. Bishop Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken.

I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine.

Love,

Cole

P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?

Some LDS theologians were trying to figure out how old Isaac was when he was about to be sacrificed. They set a minimum age of 6 because he could tell there wasn't a sacrifice and was able to help carry the wood. They also set a maximum age of 12, because if he was over that he would be a teenager, and that wouldn't have been a sacrifice.

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking the husband cries out, "watch out for the wall!''