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Christmas Jokes

  • What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

    • Claustrophobic.
  • Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E-?

    • Because the angel said, Noel.
  • What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?

    • Sandy Claws.
  • Why does Santa have three gardens?

    • So he can hoe-hoe-hoe!
  • Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

    • Because he had low elf esteem.
  • What do elves learn in school?

    • The elfabet.
  • What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

    • Snowflakes.
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

    • Frostbite.
  • What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?

    • Ribbon Hood.
  • What do you call a bunch of chess grandmasters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

    • Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
  • Do you know what would have happened if it had been three wise women instead of three wise men?

    • They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts.

A woman said, 'I find it difficult to believe in all that stuff about Christmas. It's not that I don't believe in Peace and Goodwill to all men, or in the angels singing, or even in the virgin birth, but where on earth did they find 3 wise men?'

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