Your Life

Setting Priorities

Clutter isn't only physical. Mental and emotional clutter can keep you from doing what you really want to do. Here are 10 tips for "unloading" the clutter in your life. It's may be time for a little "spring cleaning."

1. GET RID OF THE HUMAN VAMPIRES
   Avoid contact with people who are energy drains. Even if they're family members or coworkers that you can't avoid altogether, make a decision to limit the time you are around them and what you will allow them to engage you in.
2. LEARN TO SAY "NO"
   It's the first word you learned when you were two. Use it! It's your life, time, resource and you have the right to use it as you see fit without comments from the peanut gallery.
3. TAKE TIME FOR YOU
   Time is short for all of us. Make a decision to set aside down-time that is just for you, even if you can only start with 15 minutes a day. Lock the door, turn off the phone, send the kids to the neighbors'...but do it!
4. HAVE A GARAGE OR SIDEWALK SALE
   Getting rid of physical stuff you don't need frees you up mentally and physically. Make room for writing that book, sewing that quilt, working on your car, or whatever it is you have always wanted space for.
5. PAY CASH
   Credit card bills equal bondage and lack of freedom. Free yourself and create choices for the things that really matter to you. If you can't pay for it, you don't need it.
6. LIMIT TRADITION
   Much tradition is senseless and a time-waster. If it doesn't make sense to you, forget it!
7. Schedule time for the things and special people in your life and then FOCUS only on them without distractions. You will enjoy your time together more if you know beforehand that nothing else will get in the way.
8. SET PRIORITIES
   It's impossible to do EVERYTHING well. Develop a pecking order of priorities and streamline it until you have only those things on the list that really matter.
9. FORGET THE JONESES'
   Even if you believe everyone's watching you, the truth is no one's paying that much attention to you.
10. LIVE YOUR LIFE
    What works for someone else may not work for you. Take direction from your inner instinct and go with it!

Self-exploration of your life

This quiz was given during an Oprah Show in 2001. Do this quickly in 5 minutes with no time to stop and think.

1. What are you afraid of admitting?
2. What do you love about yourself?
3. What do you remember from your childhood and schooldays that you
   were glad/sad about?
4. What did you achieve, or not manage?
5. What interest/goal/ambition do you keep hidden in case people laugh
   at you, or you'd be embarrassed about?
6. What goal/ambition would you do if you knew you could not fail?
7. Again - what do you love about yourself?
8. What would you do if money was not a consideration in your life?
9. What would you regret NOT having done at the end of your life?
10. What is one thing you'd really like to achieve, but you'd never tell anyone you want to do it?
11. What frustrations do you have?
12. 12. Make a list of 25 things you love - NOT people - but things, places, memories, etc.

Questions to ask yourself - about yourself.

1. What used to get you excited as a person?
2. Who did you like to talk to?
3. Where did you go that interested you?
4. What did you read that made you glad you'd learned something?
5. Why don't you do those things any more?
6. What happened to take the shine off your life?
7. Why did you allow that to happen?
8. Who did you give your 'power' to, to do that to yourself?

Give clear, positive messages to yourself.

If you say to people who are sitting down, "Please don't stay seated." It's confusing. Say, "Please stand up." That's easier for the brain to understand because it is a positive statement. That's why it doesn't work to say, "I'm not going to eat too much today." Your brain can't accept it so easily, so your goal becomes confused. Instead give it a positive statement about exactly what you are going to do.

Goals

A wish only becomes a goal when you -

1. Write it down
2. Set a date to achieve it by
3. Become accountable to someone that you have achieved it by that date.

Write down that goal and put it in several places where you will see it often throughout the day. On the fridge, tv, computer, door, steering wheel.

Ask yourself what you would like to have said at your 80th birthday party?

• "She was a wonderful mother."
• "He was a great Dad?"
• " ... was fun to be with ... knew a lot ... was always reliable ... completely honest ... "
• Most things you want to be in life have nothing to do with money.

Get back in control of your own life. Do what you want to do, and stop doing what you don't want to do. You're in charge.

Review Your Year

Ask yourself what were your main:

1. Achievements for the year?
2. Then what were 10 small achievements for the year?
3. What were the main highlights over the year?
4. What has NOT been great?
What caused frustrations?
5. What was learned from all the above items?
6. In light of all the above, ask, Am I on the right track?
7. What are specific things I want to do, or do differently, in the coming year?

Be Accountable

Set 3 months appointment to review the above. It is essential to have a time to be accountable. The most important thing is that we learn and progress each year.

So often we think we can just think about how to make our life better - and it will be better. Not so. We have to take Action.

There are many ways to success, but nothing works unless you do.

Forgive Yourself and Others

-- By Dr. Phil McGraw, Psychologist and Life Strategist.

Author of "Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters" and "The Life Strategies Workbook: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Change Your Life" and "Relationship Rescue"

Dr. Phil's 5 Steps to Forgiveness and Healing

Re-open your heart and mind again.

When you are faced with terrible pain, your heart and mind slam shut. Opening yourself up again is a choice in terms of how you sort out what happened to you. It allows you to say, "I am willing to consider that there is another way to adjust."

Choose to love yourself again

Guilt is a wastebasket term that we use to cover everything negative and bad. One defining factor of guilt is that we commit the ultimate betrayal: abandoning ourselves. If you can't love yourself, you won't be able to heal yourself.

Confront and understand your feeling of guilt

Most people have the misconception that our depth of grief reflects the level of love for the person we've lost. It's not a betrayal of your loved one to go past the pain and deal with it in a different way. Understanding the feeling of guilt means understanding the fear that's behind it.

Give yourself permission to heal

Part of forgiving yourself is understanding that you don't have to be punished. Give yourself permission to let go of the pain. If you have a wounded heart, you can't give good and pure love to anyone else.

Actively create new relationships

If you've been unable to forgive yourself, it's possible that you've been holding yourself up to unrealistic expectations. You need to decide whether you want to continue living in pain. Once you've made that decision not to go on in pain, you need to create a new relationship with yourself.

How to Let Go of the Past

-- By Dr. Phil McGraw.

It's time to take action and move on with your life! Listen to the messages you send yourself, try writing them down to understand them better. Challenge these thoughts. Is what you're saying fair to yourself? If not, generate new ways of thinking.

There's nothing wrong with you if you feel grief or guilt--but don't cling to these negative feelings. Guilt and grief are normal reactions to terrible situations. Letting go of the past has nothing to do with time; it's about how you use that time. Work to heal your heart and mind. Find your 'minimal effective response'. What's that? The minimal effective response is the very least thing you can do to move on without guilt. Do it!

You can't change the things that happen in your life, but you can decide how you interpret and respond to them. If you didn't receive support when you needed it, give it to yourself now.

You have the duty and gift of living. You don't have the right to sit on the sidelines--use your life and get back into the game. If you're living in a negative, lonely past, you're giving your power away to the dark side of life. There are dark people in this world, but you can't let them control your life.

Are you holding yourself too highly accountable for circumstances beyond your control? You simply may have done all that you could in that situation. It's good to have high standards, but don't cling to unrealistic ones.

Any tragedy is too high a price for us to learn a lesson--nonetheless, it has happened, and you have to learn from it. Has this experience taught you something? Take that knowledge, which was purchased so dearly, and use it to better your life.

Make Changes in Your Life by Accepting it the Way it is.

-- By Gary Zukav, author of "The Seat of the Soul" and "Soul Stories"

What Does It Mean To Surrender?

When you feel like you're fighting your life instead of living it ... clinging to the past ... afraid of the future ... not feeling what is in your heart ... to put it simply, you feel stuck.

When you can't steer your life where you want it to go, don't give up — learn to surrender.

"Surrender does not mean giving up... In fact, it means accepting your life."

Gary Zukav believes that surrendering is one of the most difficult things that you can accomplish in your lifetime. Surrendering is about accepting your life just as it is, without any resistance. When you resist your life, you resist what you can learn from it, and what you can gain from it.

Don't Give Up

Surrendering is not what most people think. It doesn't mean giving up — it means acceptance. When you accept your emotions and experiences, you begin to create a more powerful life for yourself. Surrendering doesn't mean letting go of your responsibility. You must do your part — only you have the power to change the direction of your life.

Sink or Swim

You can think about the idea of surrendering this way: if someone is in the water and they become panicked, they begin to sink. The more they feel themselves sinking, the more they panic and thrash, and begin to drown. When you stop thrashing, you can start to swim. That's what it means to surrender. You can stop thrashing, accept your life, and begin creating a more powerful existence, right now.

Making a Change

It sounds like a paradox, but it's not. Only by accepting your life can you change it. That means only by surrendering can you begin to create change. According to Gary, the most important thing you can do to find spiritual fulfillment is to accept your life. He says, "Your life was given to you for a reason. God is powerful, and you are worthy, you are valuable. Accept that."

Believe in Yourself

-- Debbie Ford, author of "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers"

-- Cheryl Richardson, Lifestyle Makeover expert.

(They were both interviewed in an Oprah Show in 2001)

What is a Shadow Belief?

A Shadow Belief is the unconscious belief that influences our entire lives, tell us what we can and can not do, and drives our behaviours.

Debbie Ford has helped thousands of people uncover the hidden beliefs that can destroy dreams and relationships.

Cheryl Richardson explains that shadow beliefs prevent you from getting what you want in life.

Examples of Core Shadow Beliefs

There is something wrong with me.
I cannot trust anyone.
I'm not lovable.
I don't deserve to have what I want.
Love does not last.
I am worthless.
I am never going to be successful.

Most people know they have these beliefs but are taught to hide them because we are ashamed and embarrassed. Debbie says, "We don't want anyone to know that we feel unworthy of love or that we're not good enough so we spend our whole lives trying to suppress these beliefs and deny them." These beliefs "stop you in life and prevent you from getting what you want."

Uncovering Shadow Beliefs

Debbie says that we can all find what is holding us back in life. "You have the wisdom within you. There is nobody smarter in the world about you than you!" Debbie says, "Give yourself permission to close your eyes and go inside and ask the questions… you will find the answers, I promise you." Follow these steps to get started on your own.

So What's Stopping You Change?

About 80% of questions are really just statements in disguise. If someone doesn't like something in order to not face it they hide it behind a question ... usually the 'why me' question.

When you are pouting and moping around it is giving you something (or you wouldn't do it) - WHAT IS IT? Find out what 'pouting' is doing for you and replace it with something more constructive that brings the same resulting feelings.

As long as you stay angry it gives yourself a chance to stay out of the game - an excuse not to progress. Give yourself permission go get back into the game.

You have led yourself into a lonely corner. No-one or nothing has led you in that direction. So change. If you want something different from life, then change.

When your life is not going how you hoped, and you want to make changes, but don't know where to begin - look in the mirror.

Start Making a Difference in the World

"Think about what you have to give, not even in terms of dollars because I believe that your life is about service. It's about what you came to give to the world, to your children, to your family."

Jackie Waldman, author of The Courage to Give, recommends starting simple and small — you don't have to begin an organization, just try volunteering once a month. "If you can just put your own stuff aside for a moment — that's the first step towards courage." Ask yourself these questions.

Do I work best with people my own age, people younger or people older than myself?
Is there any specific issue that really interests me or that I feel strongly about?
When I lose track of time, what am I doing?
What do I love do?
The one thing I know I do well is ...

Suggestions to Explore

Have you ever had a life-changing experience? Sharing it could help others.

Go to the library or online and research a job you've always wanted to do.

Ask three family members or friends: "What do you think I love to do? What do you think I do particularly well?"

Try a visual exercise to discover your passion — Create a Life Map. On a large sheet of paper write or draw things you like to do. Cut pictures out of magazines of colours or things you like. Don't stop and think about it, or work it out. Just jot down whatever comes into your head.

Discover yourself through writing. Start your own personal journal.

Low-cost Natural Highs

These ideas were in an email sent to Olive in 2001. Author unknown.

Getting mail.

A hot shower in winter.

No lines at the supermarket.

A special glance.

Taking a drive on a pretty road.

Hearing your favorite song on the radio.

Laughing so hard your face hurts.

Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

Warm towels straight out of the dryer.

A good conversation.

Finding something you want is on sale for half price.

Your favourite milkshake.

A long distance phone call.

Laughing at yourself.

The beach, or river, or park.

Finding some money in your coat from last winter.

A bubble bath.

Special-rate phone calls that last for hours.

Running through sprinklers on the grass.

Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

Having someone tell you that you're looking good.

Friends.

Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

Making new friends or spending time with old ones

Laughing at a joke.

Playing with a new puppy.

Sweet dreams.

Hot chocolate.

Road trips with friends.

Swinging on swings.

Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along.

Winning a really competitive game.

Having someone play with your hair.

Making chocolate chip cookies.

Spending time with close friends.

Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.

Going to a good concert.

Holding hands with someone you care about.

Running into an old friend and realizing that some things never change.

Having your friends send you homemade cookies.

Watching the look on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.

Watching the sunrise.

Waking up every morning and thanking God that you have another day to do something with.

Scriptures to help improve your life

Suggested by Olive in 2001.

If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

-- Ether 12: 27

The Lord workest unto men according to their faith.

-- Ether 12: 29

Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen ... dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until AFTER the trial of your faith.

-- Ether 12: 6

If there be no faith among men God can do no miracle among them

-- Ether 12: 12

If they (others) have not charity it mattereth not unto thee, thou hast been faithful ... and because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong.

-- Ether 12: 37

The foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God.

-- 2 Nephi 9: 28-29

When ye shall rend that veil of unbelief which doth cause you to remain in your state of blindness of mind ... yea, when ye shall call upon the Father ... then shall ye know.

-- Ether 4: 6

The Lord chastened him because he remembered not to call upon the name of the Lord.

-- Ether 2: 14

The Lord said ... my Spirit will not always strive with man.

-- Ether 2: 15

Alma wrestled with God in MIGHTY prayer,

-- Alma 8: 10

My soul hungered: and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in MIGHTY prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens.

-- Enos 1: 4

If ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God ... ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.

-- Mosiah 4: 30

For the natural man is an enemy to God ... unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man, and becometh ... willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him

-- Mosiah 3: 19

See that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

-- Mosiah 4: 27

Why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Rejoice ... and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.

-- 2 Nephi 4: 27

Thou hast great cause to rejoice; for thou has been faithful in keeping the commandments of God from the time which thou receivedst thy first message from him.

-- Alma 8: 15

It is by grace (the love and forgiveness of Christ) that we are saved, AFTER ALL WE CAN DO.

-- 2 Nephi 25: 23

Then shall I see His face with pleasure.

-- Enos 1: 27