Money

Money - in marriage.

Dr Phil McGraw, Life Strategist, made these comments on the Oprah Show in 2001.

Whether you live within a one-or two-income family, if you give allowances to your partner, ask yourself these questions:

Do you feel you deserve more money than your partner? Do you give less money to your partner?
Do you give weekly or monthly allowances to your partner? Is your partner happy?

You need to sit back and think about what it's like for your partner to ask for money. Although your partner may not be outside of the home making money or they may make less money than you, you made these life decisions together. You have to renegotiate your relationship if it's not working.

You need to make your partner feel validated. You do not want to send the message to your partner that what they're doing is NOT important. By depriving your partner of "things" that you provide yourself, you are not communicating respect. Share bill paying and budgeting together — this does not have to be your responsibility alone.

You have set up your relationship as parent/child. You do not want to compromise your family's financial integrity, BUT you need to realize that your partner will not live with this forever. Put trust in your partner and bring them into the financial process. Divide the financial responsibilities between the two of you, no matter who is actually bringing in more money.

If you get allowances from your partner and you're not happy:

You need to communicate your unhappiness to your partner and renegotiate your relationship. If you don't communicate your feelings to your partner, you are not giving your relationship a real chance. You need to feel a part of your relationship financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Give your relationship the opportunity to change before you get burned out.

Joint Vs. Separate Checking Accounts — What's the Better Option?

How's your current situation working for you? If you're not having any problems, then keep doing what you're doing. Otherwise, here's Dr. Phil's advice: Joint accounts are a bad idea, especially if you're on a budget. For a joint account to work, both people have to be highly responsible with their finances. Very few people have the ability to be that financially disciplined.

The main problem with a joint account is that you have no money just for you. It's important to have private money to use for whatever you want. Without it, you lose your sense of independence. Whether $5 or $500, discretionary income is a must for any partnership.

What's the Fairest Way to Spend Money?

Like so many issues in marriage, financial ones are best handled by finding balance. Spend some money on yourself and some on your kids, but don't let the scale tip too far one way.

There's nothing wrong with treating yourself every now and then — in fact, you need to take care of yourself, or you may start to resent your children.

Remember, you have a finite amount of money, and you have to function within that. Set priorities and use your money accordingly. Keep in mind that credit is not the solution to money problems. Use credit only when you have an absolute need, otherwise, it's easy to let spending get out of hand.

Five Money Strategies

If money disagreements are negatively affecting your relationship, try Dr. Phil's five steps to developing financial and marital harmony.

1. Develop Emotional and Behavioral Integrity. You simply cannot solve emotional problems with money. Don't hide your spending habits from your spouse. Bypass your attitude of entitlement. Don't justify purchasing something that you can't afford.
2. Get Real! Don't Live a Fairy Tale Get real about how much money you have. Be honest with yourself about why you do what you do. Tell yourself the truth: what's really behind your buying habits?
3. Negotiate Parameters, Negotiate Priorities You and your partner must agree on common financial concerns and spending limits. If you live within these boundaries, you won't have to feel guilty when you do buy something.
4. Ask Yourself Hard Questions If you've made a bad decision, that doesn't mean you have to perpetuate it. Don't continue life patterns that aren't working for you. We take for granted how much we spend on housing, cars, and groceries. Are you spending within your budget? You can scale down if you require yourself to do so.
5. Set Goals, Take Pride Evaluate your budget, do the math, and set a financial goal. Create a plan and a timeline. Stick to it! Find your reward in seeing how your self-control pays off in the long run.

Make Your Money Work For You

Financial advisor Ric Edelman is the author of "The Truth About Money" and "Ordinary People, Extraordinary Wealth." He was interviewed by Oprah in 2001.

Ric says that wealthy people spend money on things that grow in value while poor people spend money on things that lose it.

Ric cites the example of Debbie, a 29-year-old wife and mother of three children. She admits that she and her husband have unconscious spending habits. Debbie says, "My attitude towards money is, I don't give it a second thought."

According to Debbie, "It's the little things that add up," like unnecessary purchases at the pharmacy, eating out, and countless trips to the grocery store. She spends money out of boredom, she says, while her husband, Eric, runs up charges on trips to the ATM. "I am as much of a culprit as my wife when it comes to spending," he says. "I don't spend a lot of money all the time, but when I do I spend big."

Why can't they save more money?

Ric responds, "Nobody ever wants a drill ... what you want is a hole in the wall. You want the money that will produce that for you. So you want the money to buy a drill. Ric reminds us to make our money work for us instead of working for money.

What do you want out of life?

• Focus on your real goals. If you're focused on achieving your goals, you won't notice what you're not spending.
• Keep a journal to track your purchases. Ric found that Debbie and Eric spent $983 on miscellaneous purchases, $136.25 on bank fees, and $912 on groceries.
• Invest the maximum amount in your company's savings account. If Eric had invested in a savings account for the past six years, he would have $104,000 towards savings.
• Don't spend your bonus before you get it. Put it towards savings.
• Limit your ATM trips. Every $3 fee is money that could have been put in savings.

Spending more money than you can afford? It's usually a symptom of something else wrong in your life ... could be boredom, feeling cheated out of something, or thinking you are not in control of your own life. Spending too much doesn't have anything to do with actual money. If you earned more, your debt would simply be higher.

10 Ways to Save Money

In Ric Edelman's new book, Ordinary People, Extraordinary Wealth he says that if you follow the steps below, you could save up to $8,520 a year!

1. Stop spending coins! Put your change aside and save it.
   Save $25 to $40 a month.
2. Use supermarket coupons the right way — actually put away the money you save with coupons.
   Save $10 to $30 a month.
3. Cancel your cable T.V.
   Save $40 to $90 a month.
4. Take your lunch to work.
   Save $60 to $100 a month.
5. Limit your newspaper and magazine subscriptions. Go to the library instead.
   Save $10 to $25.
6. Increase your insurance deductibles.
   Save $15 to $150 a month.
7. Lower your room thermostat and water heating.
   Save $20 to $80 a month.
8. Set up automatic bill payment. Saves you postage, paper and late fees.
   Save $60 a year.
9. Reduce or eliminate ATM and fee-charging credit cards. Don't keep going back to ATMs. They charge for each transaction. Once you've spent your money, don't allow yourself to withdrawal more.
   Save up to $40 a month.
10. Buy less fizzy and other drinks.
    Save up to $75 to $100 a month.

When there is no pride in work, there is no quality.