Christmas Jokes

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E-?
Because the angel said, Noel.

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
Sandy Claws.

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can hoe-hoe-hoe!

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What do elves learn in school?
The elfabet.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon Hood.

What do you call a bunch of chess grandmasters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Do you know what would have happened if it had been three wise women instead of three wise men?
They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts.

A woman said, 'I find it difficult to believe in all that stuff about Christmas. It's not that I don't believe in Peace and Goodwill to all men, or in the angels singing, or even in the virgin birth, but where on earth did they find 3 wise men?'